memories while in lahore

was stuck in my room, with no complete human intraction. As usual, bout of depression came over me again. I watched a movie, Lost in City. There was this particular scene where this guy died and the wife mourned and sobbed over his departure. It kinda dawned on me will there be any crying and missing me except the few obligatory ones, my husband, my family members? As mentioned, obligatory ones, thus the social norm expects them to cry and feel upset. But how truly upset are they? What is it they really miss about me? How long will they be truly upset? 3 days? 1 week? 1 month? Maybe that's all. Then i decided to take this bleak thoughts away and try to think on the lighter side. Perhaps being stuck in this country, away from ppl who matters to me (but again, do i matter to them?) makes me depressed so easily. I then looked at departure in another manner. If i depart from a relationship, how upset were they? Many times in the show they would say 'I'm sure XXX (name of the person who departed) wouldn't want to see you unhappy'. But i think i'm a little perverse. I need to know if they felt unhappy. I guess it's cruel but it gives me a sense of wanted-ness in this complicated world. Then i thus conclude that i'm overly emo and have an over desire to be loved and wanted. Am i being satisfied in this manner? If i am, would there be this post to start with? Now i argue within me should this post remain a private or public? Cos i don't like ppl to know i'm unhappy and how complicated i am, with some perveted thoughts in me. But this is the real feelings that i have now. Why should i hide it?